105 an inconvenient truth

"Esteemed future potential saviours of the world. No pressure. They are mobilising right now. Who they are and how they operate is beyond the scope of our current intelligence. What I can tell you is this, that there has been a maximum security breach in the collective imagination of planet earth. Do sheep dream of unelectric androids? Worse, but today's predicament rests on no less disturbing premises. Entities strongly influenced by the decade that you know as the 1980's are closing in on your city just as quickly as its boundaries are expanding and the frogs are reproducing. We need the big guy?" said Davis

Melanie, Erhard, and Koopa/Daly looked around. No big guy. 

"Who, Brandon?" asked Melanie, looking perplexed.

"Yes. If you want to slow the progress of this movement, find him. I've tried, but I missed him when I picked you all up. He was supposed to be there. He wrote me and perhaps some of the miscreants that will inevitably cause a great deal of trouble for you. I am a sentinel of sanity and I would love to help, but I have my own problems to worry about, and my next appointment is in 15 minutes. Good luck and Goodbye."

097

Lets recap, because I'm at a loss to completely place you in any useful linear continuum. Some one remind me why we're here. Davis being a complete tool.

This is not a cheap excuse for exposition. Koopa weighs in

But what if it is? Me pretending to be an invisible author

We're saving ourselves from the eighties. That's Mel (she's big(ish))

Specifically you're saving us from the eighties and doing your best to ignore me. This is Erhard

OUAEURVGHE Daly speaks
Translation: What are you doing? That's a stupid totally irrelevant question.

092

Melanie bent over and threw up. That was possibly the best ride she'd ever been on. Erhard crossed his arms and sneered. It wasn't clear if he was still upset about being drowned out by the buzz of Davis' arrival or if he was disgusted by Melanie's latest outburst. Davis looked quietly pleased irrespective of the root cause of his new comrades melancholy (not that their disparate dispositions were necessarily related). And Koopa/Daly continued to wail his/her indefetigable groan.

"What was that you just did?" said Melanie, after she'd recovered.

Davis knelt in starter block postition beside her "A valid question. We needed to get to safety. There's no telling how many agents of the eighties have already crossed over. So, I warped us here to this previously prepared secure way station, where I will brief you on what exactly the hell is going on."

"Good, but can you make it quick, I need to get back to the future, present, past or where ever we were to take care of some urgent, business." said Erhard

"Lets hear it, I suppose." said Melanie, when she really meant to say this is insane.

"OUAGHGHAO" said Koopa/Daly

"Excellent, lets begin then."

80.

Somewhere in the ether, Simon thinks ... FF where are you? I need some help here, I've just walked into Monty Python's quest for the holy grail. I'm concerned. Wait, that's selfish of me isn't it. How are you doing? Oh man, what about Daly and C , I think they where supposed to come over yesterday evening. They would not believe this. I don't believe this. OK, this vomit stinks. How can I win them over. A dragon, a real life dragon. Dragon's have stars. All right I've got to look around here, there's got to be something about dragons and Galahad. Ah, here we go...

62.

Melanie had seen and heard all that she could stand so she leaped into the air, borrowing athleticism from the ether. She landed accessorized with a shiny thigh band, formerly the jaws of her would be captor, it made her feel like an amazon or Xena or one of the 'vixens' from the WWE. She'd need every confidence that she could contrive after walking into a real life horror film, the zombie-like creature's droning seemed to increase as the distance between them closed . No more would be saviours, no more tardy teachers, she was in this on her own, the architect of her own destiny. She clenched her fists, bracing for the final confrontation.

"Ahem, excuse me. Sir, Maam, I need a hand please." said a man dressed in bright red & yellow.

61.

This is what it must have felt like to be John Hurt playing an idiot savant in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls. As far as Daly could tell no one could understand a word he was saying, mostly because he was speaking in low pitched groans. The woman he was accosting had leaped in response to his uninviting incomprehensible babble directly out of the rubbish bin she had been frequenting, retaining only the upper rim of its cylinder which adorned her thigh like an unattractive garter.

That's a good look, said Koopa without a hint of sarcasm

Like you'd have any sense of fashion. said Daly

It's always facinated me really.

Really? Please go on...Daly didn't really know what to say, Koopa could do the rest of the talking. The idea of a reptilian fashion maven trapped in his head only intensified his personal diagnosis of clinical insanity in the affrimative.

Well, to be honest I've always felt like a cow trapped in a bulls body.(were male reptiles even called bulls!?). This whole experience it's like I'm a beautiful butterfly breaking free from the restraints of my cacoon and my past life as a cataerpillar.

Now Koopa was the female consciousness of a male komodo dragon trapped in a man's body. That's progress.

52.

As Daly approached the large woman caught in an urban bear trap, his mind was locked in a continuous loop. What was this thing in his head? He'd been knocked out for a while, was hearing voices a common symptom of concussion? He tried to think back to psychology class. Credit misattribution? 'Illusory reversal of action & effect'? Could this be Schizophrenia?

I can hear you, do you think if you were crazy that you'd know it? The loop was broken, possibly he was just experiencing a strong case of confabulation. Maybe talking to another human would help.

"Ouaughhh."

This did little to put the woman at ease.

Koopa, WTF have you done to me?

47.

Daly made his way down the street, moving as if he couldn't decide whether he wanted to walk or crawl. If anyone were in his immediate vicinity they would have no doubt been thoroughly disturbed; to compliment his unsightly spasmodic dance, he groaned incessantly in a harsh brogue befitting a mule immediately after castration.

The only person who could have noticed was Melanie, but she was thoroughly distracted by the rubbish bin which had inconveniently swallowed her left leg. She was beginning to chaff and not in a good way. Then it burst upon her, surprising, like a freshly opened deep anal fissure that you would never have noticed if not for the change of water colour during your post number two observations. The unsettling noise reveberating from Daly's vocal chords beat out the pain in her leg (mainly because it was starting to numb), she looked around. First a flying man now this, it looked like a zombie was headed right for her.

34.

"What the hell's going on here I can't move."

"We can't move. Who am I? Why am I here? Who are you?"

"OK, I'm now talking to myself in my head and someone's actually answering with some *%^@# up existential questions. Wake up Daly, wake up!"

"Something's different, something's wrong!"

"You bet your ass sister. What are you doing in my head? Got to snap out of this insanity."

Daly felt as if his mind body connection were slipping uncontrollably away. He commanded his right had to move, anything to move, and yet he lay there motionless. It was the most terrifying moment of his life. Finally as he gave up on hope all together, his right pinkie twitched. He opened his eyes.

"I'm back."

"We're back"

"Oh, s&*%"

28.

Sometimes your mind wakes up and your body can't move. It's a special form of paralysis usually signifying a visitation by a demon or even a gargoyle. Daly didn't believe in such things, not unless they had a material naturalistic explanation. As he lay there though, deposed of the ability to move his limbs he couldn't help but feel that something else was present. The presence didn't seem to be outside of him, it was somehow inexplicably inside.

23.

Canada sat up and gingerly touched the lump that protruded out the side of her head. She groaned and lay back down again.

What had begun as a simple trip -- a diversion on a day where the available time seemed disproportionate to the worthwhile activities planned to fill it -- had somehow descended into an unprecedented nightmare delivering new and unwanted levels of mind%*&#ery. Crawling up into a ball and hoping it would all go away seemed like the most sensible option. But as she became more cognizant of her surroundings she couldn't help but wonder: Where was Daly? Where was Absalom? Where was the smoldering rubble of Simon's decimated house? Canada sat up again, she couldn't help herself. Where the hell was she?

18.

"what was that son?" said the bald stranger.

He began to swing his crutch cum weapon with the finesse of a professionally trained ballerina. This was no ordinary man. He had both class and elegance as his savvy dress sense and propensity to knock out defenceless woman clearly indicated.

"ohahohewho."

"that's quite enough gibberish."

The bald one, by the malicious look on his face delivered a fierce blow to the side of Daly's head. Daly looked up blankly. This vacant stare was answered with a series of strikes that left him spasming on the ground.

Absolom scuttled over to the man who had once tried to feed him to an exotic lizard and whimpered uncontrollably.

17.

"psychosematic turbulence imbued a slight hankering of melancholy orderves. You really should try some.'
What the hell is this.
"woughaoha"
Something wasn't quite working right. Daly tried again. "eoohugyaa"

14.

"You *#&%!@ you're the %$^&*# from work today."

"Indeed my dear. I'm your worst nightmare, an abusive customer who doesn't actually want to buy anything."

"Terrifying. What are you doing here? Where's Simon?"

"You know as well as I do you impetuous self-absorbed wench. He went that way."

Canada gave a big huff, lent slightly forward with arms open at an acute angle and flared wrists, pausing for dramatic effect. Then she stormed away, stopped mid step suddenly realizing that she hadn't actually done anything useful yet. Simon was still flying(!?) off into the dark night, Absalom was in need of hair and skin grafts, while Daly seemed to be struggling to find his freshly spilt marbles.

She turned to her agitator again, "Now you list--," he smashed her over the head with his flashy walking stick.

10.

Simon's residual rocket trail flitted in and out of existence. This universe is typified by transience, from the smallest particle to the biggest dickhead. It's all the same stuff. Mercury has an abnormal orbit and people now start flying out of nowhere like electron particles, there's got to be a rational explanation, what we need is a paradigm shift.

"Come on Daly lets go, we gotta find Simon."

8.

The puppy whom Canada had named Absolom, began to yelp in what sounded like a bad fossetto.

"What did you do to Absolom? He's barking like a girl."

"I don't know maybe the stimulation of walking's too much or maybe he just doesn't like the stupid name you gave him."

BOOM!

An explosion knocked Canada into the trunk of a nearby tree. She'd often thought that flora growing out of side walks was unnatural. Today life seemed to be affirming all her pet peeves.

Absolom was singed in a way that improved his complexion, while Daly was left exclaiming, "Holy Moly."

Not swearing when you have perfect reason to is a bad sign. Simon's house had just exploded in front of them, their being outside and not in was some consolation. But the unexpected explosion was only the beginning of the (up until then) happy trio's bewilderment. Simon burst through the roof and appeared to be flying. Was he running on rocket power? Flames were blazing from who knows where, but he seemed perfectly happy as a human comet, the destruction of his property notwithstanding.

Daly's suspension of disbelief snapped. After that he didn't know what to do.

4.

ribit, ribit

"I don't understand, he's not eating again. I'm going to have to start a damn pet shop just to get rid of these things."

"They're so cute though. I swear if the SPCA ever found out about this racket, you'd probably end up as Michael Vick's celly. Hey,I had this guy come into work today. You coulda fed him to your little beasty. Koopa probably feels guilty about eating the puppies, but you put another monster in there with him and he'd let loose, my guy woulda been perfect."

"That's dumb and you sound more depraved than I am."

ribit, ribit

"You're not depraved Daly, you're just misunderstood. Animal sacrifice is perfectly normal."

"Funny. Well C, shall we take one of these mutts for a walk while I think about what to do with them. I'm gonna drop by Simon's long the way. You shoulda heard him earlier. I mean I know he's crazy, but it's like he's constantly trying to out do himself."

ribit

"What are we gonna do there?"

"Go to the moon."

1.

"I'm powered by the magic of sugar." Simon: Sugardelic Superstar

"What are you saying?" Daly: Inventive, Didactic, Inquisitor.

"Some people might call it an addiction, I prefer to call it an insulin spike."

"Aha, so what is it do?" Eyes beginning to show signs of concern.

"Glad you asked. It raises my blood sugar levels thereby releasing insulin into my system. The thing I don''t understand is that if the insulin's already there (in my body somewhere) then why does my body hold it back? Well ya know maybe I am addicted, don't tell anyone OK.

"Why not you just did, anything else?"

"Not that I know of, just the usual. Flying to the moon later today. It's one of my secret powers. Our secret now."

"Umm, what are you on?"

"Sugar!"

This last statement seemed to put a damper on the conversation.

When they came to themselves. Daly looked hesitant about something, visibly. Cerebraly he may have been indifferent, but I don't read minds.
If you could have seen them both they would have reminded you of The Gorillaz, not that ape-like contemporaneous ancestor of humans but the cartoon crappy band The Gorillaz. It's very distinctive.

They both smelled more or less the same. With their noses. However, Simon had been experimenting with other orifices without success. Food usually entered through the mouth & exited through the rectum, while undergoing several chemical reactions. Most of them unpleasant, but then there was insulin.

When Daly was a younger chap he had a pet dog, which was depressingly unoriginal, He decided then that it was his life's mission to feed pet puppies to his specially imported Komodo Dragon, the novelty was quite exciting. Canada hasn't been the same since. With the recent diet issues of Koopa (the Komodo Dragon), Daly's been in search of a new life's quest. Simon wonders if sugar is the answer.