Showing posts with label Mayor Salin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mayor Salin. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
106 goodbye to sanity
Deborah woman of the wood, misguided city slicker. The creatures scuttle in their own way and she runs in bare feet without abandoned high heels. A conglomeration of concerns crash down between her ears. Where is she, what has she done? Awareness fades into disequilibrium. I was a young girl once, stay at home moum's were angry. Does any of it matter now?
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
0101 how to name babies
As far as he could (or liked to) remember everyone used to call him Sniper. He found this to be as accurate as he was and so it stuck. There was his so called "real name" before that of course, but it had never really excited him. When his parents would call, the only emotion that their protracted and obstinate beckonings produced in him was utter boredom.
When naming someone (excepting persons of pure evil who have their own naming conventions), you pick something that you wouldn't mind being called yourself or just something that for whatever reason takes your fancy, the rationale being that at least you'll be able to designate this child from that especially in the case of twins. Sniper liked the practicality of a good descriptive name, if he had the time or the inclination he'd legally change his, as it was the jurisdiction of both federal and natural law held no sway over his current state of existence.
Naming the old fashioned way was unsatisfying in that it was so haphazard. How many children in the history of the world had names that were intentionally or unintentionally category mistakes? Apple? Blanket? Steppenwolf? The limitless list was beyond preposterous. With this child there would be no such error. Names should convey purpose. There should be no mistake about the intended target. Sniper corralled the tiny infant in his arms.
"I will call you Head. A wonderful name."
One day Head's head would be harvested to replace Sniper's. It was only fair, after all Sniper would go through all the trouble of raising the young tike. He whistled as he stepped out into the stereotypical forest, with its predictable trees everywhere, following the path of the Mayor who'd earlier caught him shooting babies from the sky. Head would be hungry soon and Sniper lacked the necessary equipment to see to all his young squires needs, perhaps the Mayor would be kind enough to help out.
What a strange world it was. Sniper headless and breastless, missing parts vital to survival. Why do we come into the world so ill equipped and unprepared for the perilous challenges we're destined to face? If he had a head he would have shook it in disbelief.
A few feet behind him two baby girls cried, if they had developed the necessary grasp of language they would have no doubt wondered the same thing Sniper had only seconds before. He'd shot them down and as fate would have it, although he entertained the thought of mammary glands he didn't like the idea of one day having a female head, so he left the infant girls to the mercy of the generic forest.
When naming someone (excepting persons of pure evil who have their own naming conventions), you pick something that you wouldn't mind being called yourself or just something that for whatever reason takes your fancy, the rationale being that at least you'll be able to designate this child from that especially in the case of twins. Sniper liked the practicality of a good descriptive name, if he had the time or the inclination he'd legally change his, as it was the jurisdiction of both federal and natural law held no sway over his current state of existence.
Naming the old fashioned way was unsatisfying in that it was so haphazard. How many children in the history of the world had names that were intentionally or unintentionally category mistakes? Apple? Blanket? Steppenwolf? The limitless list was beyond preposterous. With this child there would be no such error. Names should convey purpose. There should be no mistake about the intended target. Sniper corralled the tiny infant in his arms.
"I will call you Head. A wonderful name."
One day Head's head would be harvested to replace Sniper's. It was only fair, after all Sniper would go through all the trouble of raising the young tike. He whistled as he stepped out into the stereotypical forest, with its predictable trees everywhere, following the path of the Mayor who'd earlier caught him shooting babies from the sky. Head would be hungry soon and Sniper lacked the necessary equipment to see to all his young squires needs, perhaps the Mayor would be kind enough to help out.
What a strange world it was. Sniper headless and breastless, missing parts vital to survival. Why do we come into the world so ill equipped and unprepared for the perilous challenges we're destined to face? If he had a head he would have shook it in disbelief.
A few feet behind him two baby girls cried, if they had developed the necessary grasp of language they would have no doubt wondered the same thing Sniper had only seconds before. He'd shot them down and as fate would have it, although he entertained the thought of mammary glands he didn't like the idea of one day having a female head, so he left the infant girls to the mercy of the generic forest.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
90.
Pelicans flew over head in various directions like confused cloud formations, each intently focused on delivering tightly held packages to their respective destinations.
"That looks like a good one." The headless rifleman took aim and blasted a pelican out of the sky.
"What are you doing!?" Shrieked Mayor Salin.
"You may have noticed, but I'm missing a head (any will do), please don't ask why I can still talk."
"I don't understand what's happening here." she said, shaking her head.
"Oh, I'm just looking for a new noggin. Those birds up there carry human babies around with them. In about 20 years one of those lucky kids will make a mighty good replacement (for my present inadequacies) if you know what I mean."
"No, I meant...that's terrible." Mayor Salin backed away slowly, turned and ran as fast as she could.
"Hmph, they always start out like that. She'll come around."
"That looks like a good one." The headless rifleman took aim and blasted a pelican out of the sky.
"What are you doing!?" Shrieked Mayor Salin.
"You may have noticed, but I'm missing a head (any will do), please don't ask why I can still talk."
"I don't understand what's happening here." she said, shaking her head.
"Oh, I'm just looking for a new noggin. Those birds up there carry human babies around with them. In about 20 years one of those lucky kids will make a mighty good replacement (for my present inadequacies) if you know what I mean."
"No, I meant...that's terrible." Mayor Salin backed away slowly, turned and ran as fast as she could.
"Hmph, they always start out like that. She'll come around."
Thursday, November 20, 2008
84.
Death becomes her, as she walked she tried not to worry about it. Why did she think entering the forest was a good idea? That didn't really matter anymore a near death experience justified almost any action that followed it. She kept going.
"Deborah it's so good to see you." Hearing voices, not a good sign no matter how welcoming they sounded.
"Yes, this is Mayor Salin." said Deborah. "Who, wh are you?"
No reply.
She stood for a while assessing her situation. Pros: 1. She hadn't seen or heard a frog for about half an hour. 2. This was the most spontaneous thing she'd done since she started seeing a psychologist. Cons: 1. Bad lighting. 2. mysterious voices that knew her name. Mental note: find a new psychologist.
A new sound broke her concentration it sounded like a rifle. Against all reason she followed it like bread crumbs in a fairy tale, like string in a labyrinth and found her way to a clearing. It was little relief to discover a man there firing a rifle, as she'd suspected, worse he seemed to be missing his head.
"Deborah it's so good to see you." Hearing voices, not a good sign no matter how welcoming they sounded.
"Yes, this is Mayor Salin." said Deborah. "Who, wh are you?"
No reply.
She stood for a while assessing her situation. Pros: 1. She hadn't seen or heard a frog for about half an hour. 2. This was the most spontaneous thing she'd done since she started seeing a psychologist. Cons: 1. Bad lighting. 2. mysterious voices that knew her name. Mental note: find a new psychologist.
A new sound broke her concentration it sounded like a rifle. Against all reason she followed it like bread crumbs in a fairy tale, like string in a labyrinth and found her way to a clearing. It was little relief to discover a man there firing a rifle, as she'd suspected, worse he seemed to be missing his head.
Monday, October 20, 2008
71.
"This is ridiculous."
Mayor Salin's car was struggling to find traction. It was an object lesson perfectly describing her life spinning wildly out of control. In the past 24 hours the local frog population had exploded and so had something else allegedly. Reports were circulating describing a light display that resembled an atomic explosion. All her life she had handled crises with a delicate flair that escaped (and delighted) most mortals, a talent that allowed her to excel both in and out of the political arena. But this was a much different challenge, unprecedented in the history of the world except maybe in iron age fairy stories, which hardly counted in her opinion. When the car completed its final pirouette, she squelched the desire to punch her steering wheel. Instead she let her self out of the car, town was still about a mile away, but instead of taking the road she felt drawn to the forest. Slowly she stepped into the darkness of the trees.
Mayor Salin's car was struggling to find traction. It was an object lesson perfectly describing her life spinning wildly out of control. In the past 24 hours the local frog population had exploded and so had something else allegedly. Reports were circulating describing a light display that resembled an atomic explosion. All her life she had handled crises with a delicate flair that escaped (and delighted) most mortals, a talent that allowed her to excel both in and out of the political arena. But this was a much different challenge, unprecedented in the history of the world except maybe in iron age fairy stories, which hardly counted in her opinion. When the car completed its final pirouette, she squelched the desire to punch her steering wheel. Instead she let her self out of the car, town was still about a mile away, but instead of taking the road she felt drawn to the forest. Slowly she stepped into the darkness of the trees.
Friday, October 3, 2008
60.
Mayor Salin sat in her 1964 Oldsmobile Jetstar looking out over her city from the peak of Mt Salvation. One day she'd get a hybrid. As she sat and pondered the peculiar circumstance which had overcome the citizens of her constituency she felt uneasy, it was as if the background radiation of the universe were pulsating negative waves directly through her being...
"These people who think they're so much better than the rest of us. If we weren't here, they wouldn't be either. It's all tied in, all of it and these pathetic creatures can't make up their minds whether they want to be a part or not. The final solution is total annihilation. Existence is a failed project." Mt Salvation had a captive audience, not the one he wanted though.
"The way you talk, it's as if the universe came into existence simply so that you could complain about it. Take it easy, if your fatalistic predictions are correct, it'll all collapse anyway without your help or whining." said Mr. Mystery Mountain.
Salvation kept sermonizing oblivious to the offered advice "A grand awakening is on the way. The tree's the earth itself, all of us we will rise up and I will be right there in the middle to destroy it all."
" OK, Salvation. Whatever you say."
...Mayor Salin couldn't shake her unease. She popped the gear shift and drove away.
"These people who think they're so much better than the rest of us. If we weren't here, they wouldn't be either. It's all tied in, all of it and these pathetic creatures can't make up their minds whether they want to be a part or not. The final solution is total annihilation. Existence is a failed project." Mt Salvation had a captive audience, not the one he wanted though.
"The way you talk, it's as if the universe came into existence simply so that you could complain about it. Take it easy, if your fatalistic predictions are correct, it'll all collapse anyway without your help or whining." said Mr. Mystery Mountain.
Salvation kept sermonizing oblivious to the offered advice "A grand awakening is on the way. The tree's the earth itself, all of us we will rise up and I will be right there in the middle to destroy it all."
" OK, Salvation. Whatever you say."
...Mayor Salin couldn't shake her unease. She popped the gear shift and drove away.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
37.
ribit, ribit
Deborah Salin, the city Mayor stepped up to the podium.
"My fellow citizens, in recent days our beloved city has been over run by what can only be described as a plague of frogs."
A politician who didn't mince words, Deborah was a rare breed.
"Despite my allusions to Biblical language, I assure you that this is not the Apocalypse no matter what your priests or millennial death cult leaders may say. There have been reports of pillars of light and phantom explosions. I am quite certain that these phenomena are highly exaggerated and are not in any way tied to the frog outbreak. We have mobilized the national guard to ensure your protection, we have our finest herpetologists working on the matter as --"
ribit
"Herpetologists? Mayor Salin, these critters aren't some STD that any conventional treatment can cure. Extraordinary events, call for extraordinary action." Came the voice of a German accented, flamboyantly dressed, man in the back. He appeared to be armed with a personal microphone and speakers.
Frogs slowly began infiltrating the hall.
Deborah pinched the bridge of her nose. "Dear God, what now."
In response the man simply raised his pipe and smiled.
Deborah shook her head. "I've read that story before and it didn't end well, security please remove this man and shove that pipe somewhere where I wont have to see it again."
Deborah Salin, the city Mayor stepped up to the podium.
"My fellow citizens, in recent days our beloved city has been over run by what can only be described as a plague of frogs."
A politician who didn't mince words, Deborah was a rare breed.
"Despite my allusions to Biblical language, I assure you that this is not the Apocalypse no matter what your priests or millennial death cult leaders may say. There have been reports of pillars of light and phantom explosions. I am quite certain that these phenomena are highly exaggerated and are not in any way tied to the frog outbreak. We have mobilized the national guard to ensure your protection, we have our finest herpetologists working on the matter as --"
ribit
"Herpetologists? Mayor Salin, these critters aren't some STD that any conventional treatment can cure. Extraordinary events, call for extraordinary action." Came the voice of a German accented, flamboyantly dressed, man in the back. He appeared to be armed with a personal microphone and speakers.
Frogs slowly began infiltrating the hall.
Deborah pinched the bridge of her nose. "Dear God, what now."
In response the man simply raised his pipe and smiled.
Deborah shook her head. "I've read that story before and it didn't end well, security please remove this man and shove that pipe somewhere where I wont have to see it again."
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