0101 how to name babies

As far as he could (or liked to) remember everyone used to call him Sniper. He found this to be as accurate as he was and so it stuck. There was his so called "real name" before that of course, but it had never really excited him. When his parents would call, the only emotion that their protracted and obstinate beckonings produced in him was utter boredom.

When naming someone (excepting persons of pure evil who have their own naming conventions), you pick something that you wouldn't mind being called yourself or just something that for whatever reason takes your fancy, the rationale being that at least you'll be able to designate this child from that especially in the case of twins. Sniper liked the practicality of a good descriptive name, if he had the time or the inclination he'd legally change his, as it was the jurisdiction of both federal and natural law held no sway over his current state of existence.

Naming the old fashioned way was unsatisfying in that it was so haphazard. How many children in the history of the world had names that were intentionally or unintentionally category mistakes? Apple? Blanket? Steppenwolf? The limitless list was beyond preposterous. With this child there would be no such error. Names should convey purpose. There should be no mistake about the intended target. Sniper corralled the tiny infant in his arms.

"I will call you Head. A wonderful name."

One day Head's head would be harvested to replace Sniper's. It was only fair, after all Sniper would go through all the trouble of raising the young tike. He whistled as he stepped out into the stereotypical forest, with its predictable trees everywhere, following the path of the Mayor who'd earlier caught him shooting babies from the sky. Head would be hungry soon and Sniper lacked the necessary equipment to see to all his young squires needs, perhaps the Mayor would be kind enough to help out.

What a strange world it was. Sniper headless and breastless, missing parts vital to survival. Why do we come into the world so ill equipped and unprepared for the perilous challenges we're destined to face? If he had a head he would have shook it in disbelief.

A few feet behind him two baby girls cried, if they had developed the necessary grasp of language they would have no doubt wondered the same thing Sniper had only seconds before. He'd shot them down and as fate would have it, although he entertained the thought of mammary glands he didn't like the idea of one day having a female head, so he left the infant girls to the mercy of the generic forest.

90.

Pelicans flew over head in various directions like confused cloud formations, each intently focused on delivering tightly held packages to their respective destinations.

"That looks like a good one." The headless rifleman took aim and blasted a pelican out of the sky.

"What are you doing!?" Shrieked Mayor Salin.

"You may have noticed, but I'm missing a head (any will do), please don't ask why I can still talk."

"I don't understand what's happening here." she said, shaking her head.

"Oh, I'm just looking for a new noggin. Those birds up there carry human babies around with them. In about 20 years one of those lucky kids will make a mighty good replacement (for my present inadequacies) if you know what I mean."

"No, I meant...that's terrible." Mayor Salin backed away slowly, turned and ran as fast as she could.

"Hmph, they always start out like that. She'll come around."

84.

Death becomes her, as she walked she tried not to worry about it. Why did she think entering the forest was a good idea? That didn't really matter anymore a near death experience justified almost any action that followed it. She kept going.

"Deborah it's so good to see you." Hearing voices, not a good sign no matter how welcoming they sounded.

"Yes, this is Mayor Salin." said Deborah. "Who, wh are you?"

No reply.

She stood for a while assessing her situation. Pros: 1. She hadn't seen or heard a frog for about half an hour. 2. This was the most spontaneous thing she'd done since she started seeing a psychologist. Cons: 1. Bad lighting. 2. mysterious voices that knew her name. Mental note: find a new psychologist.

A new sound broke her concentration it sounded like a rifle. Against all reason she followed it like bread crumbs in a fairy tale, like string in a labyrinth and found her way to a clearing. It was little relief to discover a man there firing a rifle, as she'd suspected, worse he seemed to be missing his head.

6.

The moon had long sought to out run the earth, but no matter how hard it tried it always seemed to find itself going around in circles. The dizzying effect of its sisyphitic journey across the night (and sometimes day) sky, weighed heavily upon its ever diminishing self-esteem. The Sun and stars blazed and sparkled on their own power, while it on the other hand was living on borrowed light, which often burned its face and left its backside rather pale in comparison(though few people ever saw there). With all the mindless spinning was it too much to ask for a decent tan?

Legend tells of the earth's greatest sniper who once shot a suped up Steyr SSG 69 bullet clear around the world and blew his own head off. Just to prove he could. The shot traveled at the same velocity and trajectory as the moon. Fast enough to avoid colliding with the earth, too slow to pull away from its orbit. Was there no escape?

Spiteful ruminations danced delicately along the precipice of its mind narrowly avoiding the chasm of insanity which had lay in wait on all sides for the better part of 6000 years (according to some Christian scholars). In reality it had been much longer than that, far longer, somewhere in the ballpark of 4.5 billion years. Damn you big bang, damn you to hell you inconsiderate bastard, why couldn't I've been a star...whine...whinge...cry... moan. 4.5 billion years was a long time, just ask the earth she had to put up with this s*** everyday.