The moon had long sought to out run the earth, but no matter how hard it tried it always seemed to find itself going around in circles. The dizzying effect of its sisyphitic journey across the night (and sometimes day) sky, weighed heavily upon its ever diminishing self-esteem. The Sun and stars blazed and sparkled on their own power, while it on the other hand was living on borrowed light, which often burned its face and left its backside rather pale in comparison(though few people ever saw there). With all the mindless spinning was it too much to ask for a decent tan?
Legend tells of the earth's greatest sniper who once shot a suped up Steyr SSG 69 bullet clear around the world and blew his own head off. Just to prove he could. The shot traveled at the same velocity and trajectory as the moon. Fast enough to avoid colliding with the earth, too slow to pull away from its orbit. Was there no escape?
Spiteful ruminations danced delicately along the precipice of its mind narrowly avoiding the chasm of insanity which had lay in wait on all sides for the better part of 6000 years (according to some Christian scholars). In reality it had been much longer than that, far longer, somewhere in the ballpark of 4.5 billion years. Damn you big bang, damn you to hell you inconsiderate bastard, why couldn't I've been a star...whine...whinge...cry... moan. 4.5 billion years was a long time, just ask the earth she had to put up with this s*** everyday.