The End: The mirror doesn't lie.

editor's note: when you begin canabalising your own work that's when you know you've made it...

When I first started going bald, that's when I knew I was mortal.

You never forget that first time feeling when you realize you're fallible, biodegradable.

After passively absorbing mass media paranoia for an undisclosed number of years, you find yourself looking through a fogged lens staring into a different kind of beautiful. You look around. You see caricatures of youth, signifiers with a 'strange valley' feel that tell you something is not quite right. Why settle for temporary cosmetic solutions when you can have the real thing.

My estimated half-life is is just the same as everyone elses. Take the average life expectancy of any westernized nation, adjust for the early years you can never remember and the final ones that you'd rather forget, if Alzheimer's doesn't get you first, then divide by two. According to this rationale, I'm statistically over half-way to extinction.

Nothing like encroaching spectre of death to liven things up a little.

"Die pussy as mothers".

That's Stanislav, he's new to English.

which religion has the best retirement plan?

the following may offend virgins, 2nd councilors, Muslims, Mormons and people with no sense of humour...



Good morning brothers and sisters,

I'm grateful to be here on this most staggering sabbath-like occasion. You know I was walking down the road the other day, true story, innocently minding my own business, as we boulevardier types are want to do, and one of these freaks, I think we call them councillors approaches me. We're all brothers and sisters right, so I play along. Hello brother so and so hows the old the watcha madosie thinga majig. This sets him off, he tells me all about the intricacies of mowing his lawn, his shoddy investment deals, his son on a mission and his other son who's got 5-10 for armed robbery and his life dedicated to becoming a chartered accountant. You can't fault the man's small talk skills, he had me right were he wanted me and I was totally oblivious.

One minute we're discussing the wonders of compound interest the next I'm holding a white envelope in my hand (which whiteness was above that of all that I ever before I had seen). By the way you don't mind being the final speaker this Sunday now do you. Do you a lot of good, plenty of blessings and all that, well all the best I'll be on my way. I had know idea, none. If I pass out from sheer inability to live up to the task at hand please bear with me, I had a difficult childhood and Sister Robins is glaring at me in an intensely unsettling way. And I'm profoundly grateful to the bishopric for this assignment. Thank you, thank you.

*waffles for five more minutes*

Thanks again. Today I've been assigned to speak on the topic: "Which religion has the best retirement plan." Where do you begin with something like that ,I mean we all know the answer already. Am I right? Huh? That's what I thought too then I started doing a little digging. It's funny, it's like the bishop really new what I needed to focus on at this point in my life. Lets begin with Islam. Now here's a religion with some real, how shall I say, big kahunas. I mean 72 virgins. 72!?! Each!?! Gentlemen I believe we have a winner...

...to be continued

back again again

HELLO ZERO READERS! DID YOU MISS ME?

I now have my very own internet connection, with extremely limited gigabitage attached. It's time to resurrect this blog. As you may have noticed, the clutch stalled on the last story here. Mainly because it was bollocks. Not that anything new that I bring to the table will be any better, it's just that the last lot was dishonest bollocks. The worst kind. This time, things will be different, I will now write a story that I actually care about. Last time it was practice, it served it's purpose, but it's time to move on. Come along for the ride and feel free to rip me a new one if you think I'm spouting trash, don't worry too much about hurting my feelings, I don't get too precious about my work *grits teeth*, then again we could always just create the biggest flame war in history together. Wouldn't that be nice.

096

The flame made it's way toward earth with something that suggested animosity. Call it moxy, or mojo or any 4 letter m-word you can think of, there was a deffinitive sense about its chosen course and the audacity with which it carried itself on the way down.
Fire is a tricky form of reality, it doesn't really think much, just burns. If you look deeply enough though, you'll find a minute spark of intelligence. You don't want to get it started, not if you don't have to, because once it gets going mentally just like when it gets going physically, if you let fire get enough momentum you're in big trouble.
***
"Two days ago an angry piece of sentient fire collided with a small town, Aspiere, it incinerated all inhabitants upon impact. 2 humanoid, and one reptile-like creature, possibly dragon, were witnessed at the origin point of the flame. Their current where abouts are unknown. What shall we do?"
Dr Esteval looked at his servant robot, Imov, with a cocked eyebrow and middling levels of contempt."We find them of course, there's possibly a dragon flying around out there."

Are you all-NBA too?

I couldn't help but noticing that recently I've neglected the ridiculous concoction of my imagination known as that story which originally constituted the entirety of this blog's content. Fret not zero readers (in truth according to a nifty little tool known as google analytics there are in all probability 3 unique visitors to this blog on average everyday and I'm one of them. Wow, that must be like some kind of record.) it's a new year, and new ideas flow through my veins like heady little anti bodies ready to destroy all unwanted intruders (does this explain my overwhelming readership numbers, zero readers? Allusions to destructive forces with tenuous connections to the original statement made. Perhaps it's my over analysis of my own thought process or my ability to change tack on a dime.) Today I went to the gym. Yesterday I read an article on t-nation by Charles Poliquin, he says among many, many other things that a key indicator of athletic ability is how much you can pull when power snatching. I'm all NBA as I've said in the past: a Natural Born Athlete. Today I power snatched, it looked something like this:

The results weren't as big as I'd hoped, but reasonable overall. Tomorrow I'll start up some more blogs. There's no intelligible reason for this. Just for fun though, check out http://goproat30.blogspot.com/, which will document my little journey to Australia to play Rugby League or How I Got Published which didn't actually happen unless you count e-publishing, but if you're itching for the story that's where it will once again be on display (it'll still be here too, bonus!).

***UPDATE***

I'm not doing "How I Got Published" now. It's a dead link. I've recently discovered that there are services that can automatically agregate all your internet content. So instead of cutting and pasting everything I post here, SliModSoc will continue as it was without theme or reason and the other two blogs will run independantly and one day I'll start up a storytlr account.

workout>>

sumo deadlift 130*6,170*5,200*4,220*3

home snatch 40*5,60*5,70*3,75, 80 (missed on first, hit on second attempt)

beautiful paradox: an interlude in "Why is God a Fractal?"

Look at him, what a seedy character. He's got a goatee and a sequined t-shirt. He must be less active (8 out 10 subjects responded in this way).

What is this guy a hippy or something, don't these dudes know we're supposed to stay clean shaven?Oh, right, sorry Jesus.

The Weightier Matters, Sort Of:

In part 2 I came to the conclusion that looks matter, it turns out they also don't. Ugly, hairy, beautiful, bald as a babies bottom, it doesn't really matter; what does matter when assessing our character is the advice God gave to the Prophet Samuel when he (Samuel) was looking for an heir to the throne of Israel: "But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." 

I'm also reminded of a quote from the movie Blood Diamond:

Benjamin Kapanay: "My heart always told me that people are inherently good. My experience suggests otherwise. But what about you, Mr. Archer? In your long career as a journalist, would you say that people are mostly good?"

Danny Archer: "No , I'd say they're just people."

We're born with the equal potential for good or bad, it's not clear if our appearance reveals with any degree of accuracy what choices we've made throughout our lives. It's probably best, then to withhold any definitive judgement of others -- making judgements on a provisional basis is probably reasonable --  be the best we can personally and let God take care of the rest.

the evolution of the squat

It used to be that "squat rack" was a misnomer. Most gym rats used them for curls, it was quite annoying. What's more annoying now is that we've got a new generation on the rise and they have the most ridiculous squats I've ever seen. Ridiculous as in far heavier than mine. What is this world coming to? People squating in squat racks, people squating more than me. I met an 18 year old kid the other day and he was squating 180 kgs for reps and he was even braking parallel, no one used to do that either except maybe overweight power lifters, time to up my game or put on some weight or something.

workout>>
squat: 100/3*10
power C&J 60,70,80,90,100,105,110 missed last jerk

volume: 3615kgs

call to arms

I'm between jobs at the moment and it's groundhog day in a goodway. I wake up and just about the only thing on the agenda is writing and the gym. I'm headed to Aussie in a week just in time for the middle of summer. Can you say beach fit? That's what I plan to be, hence I've hit the gym just about everyday this week. I'm rocking a six-pack, unlicenced guns and an ego that's about three times the size of planet earth, somebody stop me please.

workout>>
whole bunch of bicep stuff
whole bunch of tricep stuff

volume: heaps

looking at the unseen

Bereft of the tools consequent to achieving the unattainable levels of awesomeness so desired, I delivered my ignoble machinations to the feet of other, more worthy adherents of the code. My offerings unappreciated, and abilities still lacking I resolved to continue in the original course predetermined by leaders that I had committed to follow, yet never had met; a peculiar loyalty that I had failed to question, spoiled by my singular focus in achieving a design which was as much a mystery to me as they were. Better a life of meaning as defined by others than the existential angst of the unknown, although a silent voice kept telling me I could never be sure.


work out>>
pull ups me*19
bench 100*4,102.5*3,100*3
pull ups me/2*10
OH squat, 60/3*3
power snatch 60,70

W.I.L.T. 001

!Acronym Alert! for future reference, W.I.L.T. stands for: What I Learned Today.

A reciprocal in terms of mathematics is one of a pair of numbers whose product equals 1. The ramifications are astounding. If you want to find the reciprocal of a positive integer, turn it into a fraction with one as the numerator and itself as the denominator. I'd like to comment on the philosophical consequences, but math is an utter mystery to me. Tomorrow is another day.

The Dark Knight Returns

Where have I been? All over the place. He returns in strange ways quantifiable only in diminutive increments immeasurable by common means. Loren walks in the door and the gym stops mainly because it never moves. According to relativity there are no objects at rest. NZ is not the wondrous place I thought it was. Not in Hamilton. Among like minded people, he likes to think different. We all do. That way we're always alone together. The best of all possible worlds is inaccessible only when you don't DYI. So, if you want a job done right there's only one option, alternatively you could outsource; I really can't be bothered living off the land. He moon walks to the bench, Michael Jackson never had it this good. Neverland never really happened, but I did. Home at last.

workout>>

front squat 60*30
OHP 60 /3*3;40*10
seated row 84/3*10
lat pulldown 54*9,68*9,61*9
hang snatch 40/3*5

volume: 7507kgs