0108 moon chunks (or moon shower)

The moon snorted. 

Its lower lip trembled.

One day the moon dreamed of a magical lasso pulling it toward earth, anchored by a stoic looking cowboy, with gold plated chaps and a Louis Vuitton emblazoned satchel. It was one of those uncannily vivid dreams that seems too real to let go, and as it fades you feel as if you have lost a tiny, happy part of yourself. The moon felt that way now, its prize had been swallowed by a virulent type of space. The climax of a lost dream stolen, because you awake before reaching the best part. 

The moon erupted ancient curdled cheese from it ears and began to sob.

***

Premnath was on his way home. Moisture fell from the sky. Rain? he wondered, but when he looked up there were no clouds.

099

The left-behind shrapnel looked out of place on the toilet rim.

"This type of careless detritus, must stop!" Ditie insisted. To her, toilet seats held a place of unusual nostalgic romance. Ceramic halo's she'd call them.

ribit, ribit.

Bilix looked equally incensed at the unfortunate turn of events, but this may have been because he knew who'd be volunteered to clean everything up. "If he's a tree, or half at least, why do you think he needs to, you know, relieve himself?"

"Ever get the feeling you've answered your own question by asking a dumb one? He's half Indian too you know, he eats stuff and craps it out!"

Don't ever mess with Ditie's toilet.

"Eating stuff," Bilix snapped his fingers, "that gives me an idea."

"I'm sure it can wait till after you've cleaned up."

Bilix looked down cast "But Ditie, the frog problem..."

"Please babe it's been a long night, can you just take care of this little thing for me. I'm the one with the hard job. I'm going to have to kill Premnath when he gets home."

Bilix looked more down cast. He tried to force a smile but it was overwhelmed on the way to his face resulting in a strange muscle spasm that looked like a nervous twitch. Babe? When did this happen? Not since the last time? But it had been eons since they? And still he couldn't muster enough gumption to say no.

He dutifully stepped over to the collection of twigs and leaves left around the rim, mummy wrapped his hand with a generous portion of 2ply and helped the offending detritus into the bowl.

"I like Premnath, and don't you think the frogs are more annoying than his molting? I think we can get rid of --"

When the tree bits made contact with the water a beam of Neapolitan flavoured light blasted out of the bowl enshrouding Bilix. Caught off guard his mouth gaped open in astonishment. Emm my favourite he thought.

"Bilix!" Ditie screamed.

When the light retired to its place of origin Bilix had vanished.

88.

"Premnath just used, the you know, and look what he left behind."

"You're sick, you know that?" Ditie in spite of her misgivings joined Bilix in the bathroom, a new practice they'd ritualized in the last day. "There's leafy leftovers on the seat! It's him! Premnath is probably half tree. I thought it might have been a religious thing, but I wondered why I've never seen him wear shorts."

87.

Bilix and Ditie awoke in uncomfortable positions in the bathroom, bereft of any (house trained) monster-tree sightings.

"I knew no good would come from this." Bilix grabbed at the back of his neck for emphasis, looking as pathetic as possible.


"Always with the negativity. He, she, it, whatever will be back at some point."

"Yeah well, in the meantime how do you feel about fried green frogs for breakfast?" the frog pox continued to spread to unwanted places like buboes during the black plague. Not even the bog was sacred anymore.

Unable to contain himself any longer Premnath, entered the scene. "Look guys can you get out please, I've been bursting to go all night. I just need a moment here O.K?"

Dittie got the impression that Premnath was tiring of her antics. The feeling was mutual, although less justified.

The bathroom was dutifully cleared of the culpable pair by (induced) voluntary march, but a horde of frogs remained in their place to observe Premnath in a compromising position. After which he performed the rest of his habitual morning ablutions resentfully for his audience, and then left for work.

Bathrooms abhor a vacuum, at least that's what you might be led to believe by observing Bilix's behaviour, who wasted no time in refilling the empty space left by his partner's flatmate's departure. He peered over at the loo, while brushing his teeth. "Joan of Arc in a hang glider! Dittie get in here, you've gotta see this!"

69.

Bilix and Dittie after a lot more drinking...

"I'm concerned it's like every day I walk in and a tree stump has taken a dump in my toilet. My toilet! You think the current frogger crisis is a problem? I have to pull out a leaf blower every time I need to go me-me." said Dittie

"Me-me Ditie? Seriously we're all adults here. And if it's all the same to you I'd rather not hear about you and your flatmate's bathroom hi-jinks."

"I just need to go all right. That's my right."

"Yes, whenever, wherever. I think you had a wee bit too much of the grog my dear."

"And besides toilets are ..." Ditie stumbled over her words as she pointed skyward and threw up on herself.

"Yes, I know, I know Ditie focus on the finger and I miss all the heavenly glory." said Bilix gazing up at the full moon (which somehow looked sad tonight).

"You're not listening as usual. Why don't men ever listen?"

"Oh boy."

"Toilets don't ever get a fair shake, everybody giggles about them behind their backs, but when you want to go plant your butt somewhere and do a little light reading, who's there for you?"

"Why toilets of course! I'll concede to you on that point, but I don't know where you're going with this. I mean shouldn't we be trying to get to the bottom of what's--"

"Bilix!?"

"Sorry."

"You've heard the stories right? Toilets are portals to another world. Literally they are. I haven't actually done it myself, but my aunt once used a network of long drops to over throw the Roman empire in an alternative universe."

"Lets not forget that toilets are sometimes engaged like us and often vacant like you."

In response Ditie punched Bilix directly in the nose, causing him to tear up.

"Uhhh (*delayed onset of pain groan*) Okay go on."

"What we need to do is stake out my loo. I know it can't be Premnath leaving detritus on the bowl because he always Nair®'s himself. There are always leafy twiggy bits left behind on the bowl, we'll lay low then capture the creature and force him to, I don't know we'll catch him and make him talk."

"Better him than me, lets go."