Bilix and Dittie after a lot more drinking...
"I'm concerned it's like every day I walk in and a tree stump has taken a dump in my toilet. My toilet! You think the current frogger crisis is a problem? I have to pull out a leaf blower every time I need to go me-me." said Dittie
"Me-me Ditie? Seriously we're all adults here. And if it's all the same to you I'd rather not hear about you and your flatmate's bathroom hi-jinks."
"I just need to go all right. That's my right."
"Yes, whenever, wherever. I think you had a wee bit too much of the grog my dear."
"And besides toilets are ..." Ditie stumbled over her words as she pointed skyward and threw up on herself.
"Yes, I know, I know Ditie focus on the finger and I miss all the heavenly glory." said Bilix gazing up at the full moon (which somehow looked sad tonight).
"You're not listening as usual. Why don't men ever listen?"
"Toilets don't ever get a fair shake, everybody giggles about them behind their backs, but when you want to go plant your butt somewhere and do a little light reading, who's there for you?"
"Why toilets of course! I'll concede to you on that point, but I don't know where you're going with this. I mean shouldn't we be trying to get to the bottom of what's--"
"You've heard the stories right? Toilets are portals to another world. Literally they are. I haven't actually done it myself, but my aunt once used a network of long drops to over throw the Roman empire in an alternative universe."
"Lets not forget that toilets are sometimes engaged like us and often vacant like you."
In response Ditie punched Bilix directly in the nose, causing him to tear up.
"Uhhh (*delayed onset of pain groan*) Okay go on."
"What we need to do is stake out my loo. I know it can't be Premnath leaving detritus on the bowl because he always Nair®'s himself. There are always leafy twiggy bits left behind on the bowl, we'll lay low then capture the creature and force him to, I don't know we'll catch him and make him talk."
"Better him than me, lets go."