Moving backwards through time, reprising our narrative (very) shortly before Joseph's death, he and his imprisoned buddies decided to sit down for a good old fashioned drinking session to help raise the spirits. According to the Word of Wisdom (a code of health for Mormons) "strong drinks" are and were prohibited (along with their forbidden cousins "hot drinks" of the same revelation, these broadly labeled and loosely defined substances have been subject to different interpretations at different times). Strong drinks today mean anything with alcohol content, during Joseph's life it appears that the WoW was only a suggestion, or that some alcohols were acceptable while others were not, or that the rules applied to the general membership of the church and not its gatekeepers. Regardless, there was much singing and wine and rejoicing and likely the types of bold declarations of manly love that often accompany imbibing copious amounts alcohol, which leads us of course to rule number:
2. BE CAUTIOUSLY ALCOHOLIC (abstaining from drinking is like the 'i' before 'e' except after 'c' rule: there are many, many exceptions.)
I find it puzzling that we'll use science to bolster our position on certain issues like the Word of Wisdom. "See, Joseph received this revelation over 170 years ago about how to stay healthy and today science verifies he was right." Predictably when big bad science disagrees with our position (i.e. literal interpretations of events from the Old Testament) we reject it out of hand as the "wisdom of the world." That's bad form in my opinion. What has science ever done to you? Given you hot water, electricity, the internet, global warming, atomic bombs. OK, sure it's not all good, but that's because all too often we misuse it (the same can be said for religion). Speaking from a Mormon perspective, if we're here to gain experience and learn from it, then we are already, after a fashion, involved in a scientific type of enterprise. And so, experience we shall, try a glass, a little bit wont hurt, Joseph would have wanted it that way. 'ere's to your 'ealth.
Editors note: I don't actually encourage the consumption of alcohol. It is highly overrated.