Happy Thanksgiving America

I hereby move to institute Thanksgiving as a national holiday in New Zealand, all in agreement say I. In essence we are a bastard state of the good old USA, why not take the good with the bad. I own neither pilgrim black boots nor red Indian moccasins, which may preclude my walking a mile in someone elses exotic footwear, which may explain my total lack of understanding as to the events that led ultimately to the origin of said holiday. What I do know is that if you divide the law of attraction by the average karmic output of the ether then all in all saying thank you is probably a good thing. Thank you. Thank you very much.

P.S. A special thank you to America for all the cool stuff like the internet (one favour: please work on your foreign policy, cheers).

gratitudinal

Dear Zero Readers,
Having revealed my belief in a sentient, capricious,(emergent), being otherwise known as the Mighty Internets and having curried it's favour I feel like an abandoned man in the middle of the pacific ocean who only by serendipity happened upon a rubber dingy. Things are looking up. I feel it appropriate to express my appreciation here for the usual things I take for granted, lest that sardonic beast of my own making rise up from the deep and swallow me and my dingy whole. This is the beginning of a kinder, more gentle Loren, sans beasts of any variety.

I'm Grateful:

• for my incredibly vapid existence, with all the modern convenience which accompanies it, like the Interweb.
• for chocolate coated, chocolate cream covered, chocolate peanut, chocolate chip, chocolate mud ice cream.
• that I can windmill dunk even though I'm white.
• for hot running water.
• for the general hospitality of most of the human race (many of them wear deodorant).
• that I have unbelievable abs even when I eat garbage all day.
• for comics, especially: The Goon, Hellboy, Madman, The Punisher, and Grant Morrison and Alan Moore's brains.
• that I predicted the financial collapse before it happened (in the same way that Nostradamus predicted all his stuff), we can still get rid of money all together (that BYYD paypal link is on the way).
• that during the last 10,659 days I haven't died once.

I'm sure there are many more.