Monday, January 17, 2011

near death experience 2

After a hard nights clubbing and drinking we stagger into Hectic's and Hyper's home. The affects of alcohol have rendered each of our frontal lobes redundant. We have a combined IQ of 57. I'm including her pets.

There is a flying fox, but not just any flying fox. It's a home made death trap that we can't think of any better euphemism for. So, flying fox it is. There is a tree with a piece of rope tied to it at about 7 meters in height. The other end is tied to a pole attached to the house. Between these 2 points is a swimming pool surrounded by brick tiling. The attachment used to slide from 'A 'to 'B'? A towel.

The boys sit down and drink more. Hectic takes it upon herself to demonstrate the merits of human stupidity. She scales an unsecured extender ladder leading to said flying fox. We look on in horror and yell words of discouragement like "Stop being a dick head." and "Get down you idiot." "Come and try it!" she intones. Like I said earlier I value my brains and now that I think of it especially my life. This is a very stupid idea. She jumps off, towel secured, I shit myself, she makes the pool.

Suddenly Hyper decides this is a brilliant idea. She too sets out to conquer the stultifying reprimands of common sense. More of the same. "Don't do it." from the boys. "You're all pussies." from the girls. Hyper makes the pool. We all sigh deeply.

Thankfully Things move away from the flying fox. We're sitting (outside still) on a sofa attempting to sing and play guitar and failing miserably, but in a funny way. Brain explosion! Hectic (this is the chick that invited me out remember) starts hauling ass toward the ladder. One of the boys, responds with turtle like reflexes (too much grog) and tries to run her down. She's a third of the way up the ladder by the time he gets to it. We try to talk her down again.

She jumps from the ladder. One hand slips on the towel. The most uncoordinated somersault in the history of the world occurs. Her left arm disintegrates upon impact with the side of the pool. Head smashes. Literal brain explosion. She rolls into the pool. I have a deep penetrating sick feeling in my gut.

Both the boys are ex-military. They respond immediately. She's in the recovery position, with her airway cleared, but she's breathing like Darth Vader and blood is seeping out of her nose and mouth. This is not how I envisioned things going. Maybe we should have tried to physically stop her from climbing up, maybe we're all idiots, maybe a lot of things. Maybe we all make choices drunk or sober and we have to live with them. This is real life and I'm looking at what could possibly be real death. There's no reset button. What is done is done.

The paramedics arrive. The boys saved her life or at least prolonged it. They staved off brain death momentarily, Now it's off to emergency brain surgery and uncertainty to see if capital 'D' death can also be defeated. Hyper jumps in the ambulance and heads with her to the hospital. We drink some more and marvel at what the fuck just happened.

She's got a fractured skull, a fractured neck, a shattered wrist and broken forearm. She's in a comma for two weeks. She wakes up and she doesn't appear to have any mental complications from the fall. She survived what would usually kill a normal man (which is the only reason I feel comfortable relating this story). I witnessed some one nearly commit suicide by stupidity and live. It's almost enough to make me believe in miracles or give up hope for all of humanity.


kuri said...

A friend of mine has a theory that drunk people are so physically relaxed that they're harder to kill in accidents. That's why drunk drivers are always killing people in accidents that they survive themselves. So being shit-faced is probably what saved the girl.

That's some good writing, BTW. I especially liked the part about the actual accident and rescue. The shift from drunken hi-jinks to life-and-death situation was really well done.

Loren said...

Hey Kuri,
cheers for the kind words. There's got to be something to that theory for sure. If you saw it go down, there's just no way she should have survived. So, the alcohol contributed to her almost dying and also possibly saved her life. It's a crazy world.