Friday, June 18, 2010

a quick note on the rating system

Writing about things I no longer believe in can get pretty boring or ugly boring or never mind. There are a number of my own previously held beliefs that never did, and continue still to have no bearing on reality, like not believing in premarital sex, which in spite of the fervent faith of many still happens with abandon regardless. I'm not against beliefs per se, they just seem to be a strange development along our evolutionary trajectory. Then again beliefs are similar to opinions that are just like something else that everyone has, except for my mutant cousin Bobby Sue, which make certain trajectories for him difficult. Opinions form possibly because mortality requires prioritization, otherwise we die faster than necessary. Prolonging suffering is a distinctively human trait. Beliefs help make sense of what happens during this (oft times painful*) period before we croak.

I'm glad I cleared that all up, because now we can get to the important stuff. I believe that I have failed to detail the exact nature of the rating system here at slimo. While this oversight stands as one of the most insignificant in recent memory, with public demand on par with the upcoming
View-Master movie (Hollywood just give up now please), as a man of ever increasing eccentricities and a spare 5 minutes here is the breakdown...

Remember ratings and their definitions are only opinions, which I take no responsibility for, continue reading at the risk of challenging yours (um, hyperbole much?). Or just make up your own interpretation.

Captain Planet = Utter shit.
Some people like Cpt Planet. Not me, sure it had a catchy theme song, but the rest of it was garbage. The overly simplistic villains, the lame ass lead character (who's only weakness was pollution, how hard could it possibly be to stop him?) and the overly preachy agenda turned me off. However, I continued to tune in everyday, maybe I had nothing else better to do. Ticking this box means you were there for the post, you don't know why and really wish that you'd done something else.

Voltron = Pretty f'n solid.
Voltron was awesome when I was like 5. One thing I could never understand though, is why he took so long to pull that damn sword out. Was he just a sadist, savoring the suffering of the villain of the week before he delivered the final death stroke? I enjoyed each episode, but sometimes I just wanted them to get to the point already. "Form Voltron Sword!"

Sponge Bob = Ridiculously good.
The ridiculous part isn't necessarily a modifier for the good part, more like the post is equal parts good and ridiculous, just like the crazy cartoon for which it is named. I savor the absurd in many ways, click away if you feel the same.

*I wrote this while my left butt cheek was possessed by a fiery demon, which may or may have not discolored my mood at the time of writing

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