Monday, April 19, 2010

rash declarations

"I gotta get in shape now. Too much sitting is ruining my body. Too much abuse is going on for too long. From now on there will be 50 pushups each morning, 50 pullups. There will be no more pills, no more bad food, no more destroyers of my body. From now on there will be total organization. Every muscle must be tight." -- Robert De Niro, in Taxi Driver

"McDonalds, he thought. There is no longer any such thing as a McDonald's hamburger. He passed out." -- Arthur Dent in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

SPOILER ALERT: This post contains swearing.

I want to be a cold clinical machine for one minute. I want to walk down the road terminator style, without remorse, without anything, but a single point focus on destiny. Judgement Day. Why do I want to want to eat good, when my first order desire is a want to eat bad? There's no discernible difference between me eating good or me eating bad, I'm still ripped like a mother fucker, either way. The great thing about "mother fucker" is it's like "smurf" for smurfs, everything's mother fuckin' smurfing; it covers all bases.

There are voices. Several of them. One says "What are you doing, stop, please stop wasting our time." Then there's another one, that says essentially the same thing, but in a more subtle manner, the let's deal with this shit later voice. I'm tired of that voice. But that mother fucker is relentless. Every time I do something somewhere in the vicinity of remotely being useful, I get this constant chirping in my ear. "Stop," (or in the case of me doing something that I feel on some level that I shouldn't be doing: "Go on") and then inevitably "Don't worry you don't have to decide now, just go with the flow, we'll be fine, you can deal with this shit later." I'm a fucking idiot, so I have a tendency to see the logic in this kind of reasoning. I'm just living the Tao, man. Path of least resistance? That's where you'll find me riding dirty. The ramifications are put on hold for a moment in my brain, and the rest is history that I forget about and then keep repeating.

This is what they call the resistance. The resistance must be crushed. The resistance must be futile. Bad eating wont stop me, much as I try, I wont stop me. Self-sabotage is a dangerous weapon in the wrong hands, so I'll remove it from mine. All the unuseful internal chatter, the procrastination, the indulgence, it's all me. I did that. I did that and I don't have to anymore. McDonald's you're dead to me. You weren't the real problem anyway. Here's the true spoiler of my efforts, World so hello to my new Satan: The reptilian brain...


Pianika said...

I just watched your Seth Godin video, and it makes alot of sense.

I like what he says about "shipping" rather than just coming out with ideas that never go through to fruition. I always have lots of ideas, and ideas are great, coz they're the start, but there needs to be action in behind it. Also the thrashing at the beginning too.

I also like how he compares it to those animal balloons as in its difficult to start, but then once you get some momentum it gets easier. I think that part depends on how committed you are. If you're still umming and ahing about something halfway down the track then its probably not gonna go anywhere.

I have a project that i started last year which is in limbo, but i got a kickstart reminder yesterday which made me want to work on it more, and thats what the video made me think of.

Anyway, some good food for thought. Thanks.

Loren said...

no worries