in search of pure awesomeness

There are the 10 commandments, the 8 fold path, the 4 obligations, the 7 habits of highly effective people. It's a hard life choosing.

I'm up to step 4 of the 12 step program. I'm a recovering Loren. I'm addicted to myself. Time to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of me.

Well, if that's the case do I even believe in morals? Barely. I just watched Kick-Ass, it fetishizes (among other things) a 10 year old girl cum psychopathic serial killing super hero, was by all accounts totally irresponsible, and I loved every minute of it.

In saying all this, I believe that there is a Right and a Wrong, even if the divide isn't easily definable or scientifically verifiable. Maybe, I'm just a solipsist, it's all in my head.

Regardless, I'm finishing what Aristotle began thousands of years ago, not to benefit the greater part of humanity, my motives are completely selfish. I'm seeking out the Good Life. If there's a Platonic Form of Transcendental Awesomeness floating out there in the ether somewhere, I want in.

There are certain parts of my character, many in fact, that I find less than ideal (reprehensible even), but tread carefully grasshopper, idealism has been the death knell of many a would be Ubermensch. All I have to do is look at my room to know that things are messy; there are few tidy solutions to many of life's challenges.

One day I'll look back and laugh at all this self-improvement nonsense, realizing that I was part of the Buddha Nature the whole time and vice versa. I was a pig swimming in shit and I didn't even know it, until I stepped outside of the shit.

I want to transcend the unpleasant aspects of life, maybe even the pleasant ones, and wrestle toward enlightenment in a gentle, tenacious, whimsical way. I'm an Omega Male at the moment, I'm so glad that there will be other moments where this might not be the case. I want to be the alpha and omega, but wanting might be bad.

So, what am I doing to implement this vague attempt at self-actualization, you may ask? And now, my contribution to the world's wisdom literature...

The Currently Undefined Number of Tender Suggestions or CUN(o)TS:

• Sort yourself out mate, you're fuckin' 30 years old. What direction are we going?
• Wo, calm down.
• Meditate daily. Please.
• Also, don't get too new agey, OK?
• Some people are dicks, but be nice to people anyway.
• Write/Draw/Create. Use these things as an excuse to explore your existence.
• 8 hours of sleep would be nice once in a while.
• As these start taking motion, feel free to add to or take away from this list.