iron man 2: RDJ babbling like he's still on drugs

Expectations are funny things. Just ask Pip. I walked into the first Iron Man after the abomination that was Ghost Rider expecting another Marvel crapfest, what I got instead was pure unadulterated awesomeness that wore Gold and Red armor and killed people to rockin' backing tracks by Black Sabbath.

With my hopes fully in their upright and secured positions (my plural placement here seems off), I boldly strutted into the sequel expecting to be blown away again. This is a lesson: always have low expectations.

Iron Man 2 is a fun movie, RDJ practically guarantees that, but I think director, John Favreau, bit off more balls than he could juggle. That was probably a candidate for the worst mixed metaphor of the year. What did I say about low expectations?

Perhaps too many sub plots, spoil the brew here. The middle drags at times, I mean are we really expected to give a fuck about Iron Man's dad and their little moment, when there was no real or effective foreshadowing that would justify us walking down that road. I don't want to walk, this is a movie. Then there's about a million other threads going on as well. Am I expected to knit too?

That said there are things I absolutely loved about this movie. Oh if you don't like spoilers you may want to leave now (although anything I reveal wont spoil the plot, because this movie barely has one).

Remember how Jeremy Irons voiced Scar in the Lion King and everyone loved it? Then he got cast as a German villain in Die Hard 3 on the strength of that performance and absolutely sucked? I thought we we're going to have that type of situation with Mickey "I've got the worst finger nails in Hollywood" Rourke. He does the Wrestler gets nominated for an Oscar, then goes Halle Berry on us and makes Cat Women or something. Boy was I wrong. I think Mickey's pushing for another Oscar. I think he thought he was acting in something other than a comic book movie. His performance is mesmerizing. I'm talking Jeremy Irons greatness here. Sometimes it's hard to tell: I'm not being sarcastic.

Scarlett Johansson. What can I say, This girl's got everything going for her except a tan. One of the coolest action pieces in the film (and there aren't enough of them) involves Scarlett performing some bizarre amalgam of yoga, Hong Kong style Kung Fu, and the Karma Sutra, it's also got a great payoff, so stay tuned. Wow, beautiful and she can kick ass. I think I'm in love. Feminists you may now proceed to eviscerate me.

Random thoughts (even more so now): did I mention Mickey's finger nails? The action scenes are cool, but the final show down is anti-climatic. I want an Iron Man brief case suit. Terrence Howard makes a better Rhodie. No Black Sabbath this time, what? Are you crazy? Mickey Rourke needs more acting gigs. Marry me Scarlett. Sam Rockwell's ex-wife scene = hilarious. Did this movie have more montage scenes than all the Rocky's combined? I'm still reeling. We've all got a little Iron Man in us, there's an obvious joke that involves my pants somewhere here. Would I watch it again: Hell Yes. Thus concludes the longest "movie review" ever.