only in casino

The following is a true story...

Loren goes innocently about his business in the sleepy town of degenerates inexplicably known as Casino (doesn't have one). One of the local dole bludgers, at first comatose on his front porch, stirs from his drunken stupor, beer clasped firmly in hand and begins to bellow incoherently. Loren aka Loza (it's an Aussie thing), turns from his beloved occupational obligations only to discover a beer bellied monstrosity of man with double take worthy I can't believe what I'm seeing right now pointy nipples.

"How's it goin' mate, too right, Bob's your uncle, stone the flamin' crows, it's a little joey. Dingo ate me baby." All conversation in Australia begins this way. "You know what mate, I was watching discovery channel last night." His nipples seem to harden at this point. "One of them shows about body modification. Well, me son's a black belt in tae kwon do, so I get him to fetch me fillet knife." The relation between these facts appears to be tenuous at best, Loren ever the polite submissive displays all the signs of an intent listener, though the strangeness of the situation is beginning to win him over. Feigning interest may no longer be required.

"Cool. What was the knife for?" The pointy nippled man pokes his tongue out revealing a serpent like taster, at which point the puddle of blood between his perky breasts moves into sharp focus. What would possess a man to do this? "Oh, shit."

"Ya know mate, the missus likes one tongue, she's gonna love two."

"Oh, shit."

on the road

Today I'm driving. Well, I'm being driven. I'm not legally qualified to drive (long story). Usually that wouldn't stop me, but this is not my truck, not my rules, so my tag team partner's at the wheel.

We're on the way home from an uneventful, yet unrelentingly draining road trip. Then the boss calls. We're given two choices: one to come home, two to keep working. This is a no-brainer, still we hesitate...

Click. We need time to think. He's asked because he wants the job done. He's given us the option, because the new job wasn't in the original deal. Our mind set has already switched to get-the-f*ck-out-of-my-way-I'm-going-home-mode. Entertaining more work is a dark alley we don't want to walk down.

We call back. We're not doing the job. No reasons offered, no justification given. We hang up and worry. When you don't even attempt to justify yourself to whoever you're letting down an empty feeling usually follows. Now the ball's in their court. You haven't given them any guidance in reaching a conclusion. What will they think? That you're a lazy bastard, probably.

Sartre was right, hell is other people.

"truly, truly, truly outrageous"

I am Optimus Prime. Ready to transform. When I was a kid I wanted to be Hot Rod who later became Rodimus Prime, and (full disclosure) I had a crush on Kimber from Jem and the Holograms. I can see the folly of my ways now; Jem was way hotter and Hot Rod was a pussy. Oh the ineffectual prayers that were offered in the hopes of obtaining these and other esoteric desires. Now I'm me grown up, disconnected it seems from my own life. The will to dream and covet the ridiculous has dissipated for reasons that I can't quite articulate. But I prepare myself now for re-entry to planet earth. I am a passive participant in my own existence. I look around me and I am alienated from the rest of the world. Who are these people? I suffer from the classic human failing of both wanting to be normal and better than normal at the same time; normal so I can become a beautiful social butterfly instead of a reticent groveling wretch and better than normal so that when they see me they'll know something amazing is taking place. My misanthropy is a serious hurdle. To reach out beyond my immense circle of influence that stops at one I will first look inward. What do I like about me? When I can answer this I'll be on my way to knowing what's worth liking in others and we can all be happy domesticated monkeys together tossing feces out of our collective cages. I will dream again. Watch out Kimber here I come.