Tuesday, December 15, 2009

only in casino

The following is a true story...

Loren goes innocently about his business in the sleepy town of degenerates inexplicably known as Casino (doesn't have one). One of the local dole bludgers, at first comatose on his front porch, stirs from his drunken stupor, beer clasped firmly in hand and begins to bellow incoherently. Loren aka Loza (it's an Aussie thing), turns from his beloved occupational obligations only to discover a beer bellied monstrosity of man with double take worthy I can't believe what I'm seeing right now pointy nipples.

"How's it goin' mate, too right, Bob's your uncle, stone the flamin' crows, it's a little joey. Dingo ate me baby." All conversation in Australia begins this way. "You know what mate, I was watching discovery channel last night." His nipples seem to harden at this point. "One of them shows about body modification. Well, me son's a black belt in tae kwon do, so I get him to fetch me fillet knife." The relation between these facts appears to be tenuous at best, Loren ever the polite submissive displays all the signs of an intent listener, though the strangeness of the situation is beginning to win him over. Feigning interest may no longer be required.

"Cool. What was the knife for?" The pointy nippled man pokes his tongue out revealing a serpent like taster, at which point the puddle of blood between his perky breasts moves into sharp focus. What would possess a man to do this? "Oh, shit."

"Ya know mate, the missus likes one tongue, she's gonna love two."

"Oh, shit."

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