Saturday, April 11, 2009

112 future now past

If I knew dating Brandon would have lead to this I would never have gone along with idea. I had my reservations from the start. He wasn't really witty, or confident, and he didn't have strong looking hands, I've always had a soft spot for gruff man-hands, his were so tiny. To top it off he didn't seem to be in a stable financial situation, not that I'm all about the Benjamin's, but a guy's at least got to try to keep his shit together and Brandon, I don't want to hate on the guy, but it seemed as if he'd lost his along the way. I'll give him this much, he had the stones to ask me out, and that tiny little detail was enough to turn me. It's been a while since I've been on a date (I'm really ashamed to say, I almost can't even write it, but this was the first time, Sally says it's because men are intimidated by me, but I think that's just her nice way of saying I'm fat a little on the chunky side. I don't exactly set the world on fire with my conversational skills either. I'm just a regular big-boned shy gal looking for Mr. Right), so I went easy on him and said yes. Big mistake.

Now we're here at this "top secret" training facility. Brandon's not though, he's missing in action. Typical. And Davis the half-insane, I hesitate to say lest I unwittingly become a part of his elaborate fantasy, "time-traveler" is out looking for him, either that or we're meant to be, I don't know, the instructions we were left with were kind of vague. My brothers in arms are the three-quarters insane zombie guy, who speaks only in grunts and groans and may one day murder us in our sleep, and to round things out we've got the completely-out-of-his-mind-bonkers, Erhard,  who is obsessed with dressing in hot colours and suffers from a personality delusion were he believes himself to be the pied piper of Hamlyn. I guess Napoleon and God were already taken. All that and he's really, really annoying.

I don't know how Davis managed to spirit us away to this place, but I can't wait to get out. He says that the eighties are coming for us. I don't know what that means, but he left a note on a white board on his way out: START TRAINING NOW! I'LL BE BACK. He also assured us at one point that space is unevenly distributed here, and that time functions slower than normal so we might just be able to pull this (whatever this is) off. Everyday we sit around and do nothing. Somehow, I don't think this is what he had in mind. This is crazy. We're here expected to go through an eighties style training montage, to prepare to stop the oncoming eighties onslaught, I find that ironic (in the Alanis Morisette way and not the real way). Where's our Mr. Miyagi? Where's Brandon? I want to go home. --what Melanie would have written in her diary if she'd brought it along.

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