breaking circles

goals for 2010 and beyond...

Let's quickly recount my previous significant romantic relationships.

While I tabulate, contemplate this: what is the sound of one hand clapping? That might give you some idea as to where we're headed.

Outstanding.

This is now officially ridiculous. The results are in and they're not exactly shall we say a ringing endorsement of my romantic prowess.

Flash forward to recent history, my post apostasy period, not much has changed except my entire paradigm, but I can't leave (the church) yet, I'm a ghost with unfinished business. You know how on the Dark Knight, wise old Alfred teaches us that some people just want to see the world burn? Well, I'm not one of those people, but sometimes I come dangerously close.

I attend my final YSA convention at the border of this year and last. There are hot girls everywhere, most of whom weren't even alive when I first got the Aaronic Priesthood, Joe Smith would be having a field day.

Flash back to about a month ago. One of my mates approaches me and asks if I can chip in to help finance a PUA course that he wants to do. I'm not that rich, but his asking peaks my interest. As a result I end up watching the entire second season of VH1's, The Pick Up Artist. Mystery and his wingmen are weird, but by all accounts their methods seem effective.

This is a whole 'nother world with it's own rules and language. There are IOIs, DHV, DLV, sets, Kino, Targets, routine stacks blah blah. I can see why these geeks do what they do, and while it would be tempting to implement their techniques for my own evil ends, I really don't think it's entirely my thing, partly maybe, but there's something just seedy and dishonest about "gaming". Perhaps my time at church learned me some morals after all.

I think I've highlighted my strong moral fibre sufficiently, return to the present and I can't help it I have to try some of this. I like girls. I am also an insufferably frigid introvert. My primary focus is not bedding woman, as funny as that would be to try at a YSA event, no I'd just like to be able to talk to people comfortably. No use trying to work on calculus when I can't even do algebra. So I approach "sets" of peeps when the mood takes me, over the course of conference, and I work the crowds and I surprisingly don't run out of things to say and my nerves are terrible just before I start but after that everything's fine. I walk in, join a circle of strangers and begin talking crap. Being the center of attention is surprisingly intoxicating, being wary at this point would be wise. Don't get too carried away. You're not the man yet...

...But I'm on my way, this year I want to expand my social skills, the range of my ability to communicate, it's time to loosen up a little: I want to be able to connect with people. Not the easiest of goals to measure, but I will be able tell within myself if I've achieved it or not. Engaging people in conversation is actually cool. I don't believe it. It seems like this whole time I've been worried about nothing. I'm finding that seems to be the pattern lately.