breaking circles

goals for 2010 and beyond...

Let's quickly recount my previous significant romantic relationships.

While I tabulate, contemplate this: what is the sound of one hand clapping? That might give you some idea as to where we're headed.

Outstanding.

This is now officially ridiculous. The results are in and they're not exactly shall we say a ringing endorsement of my romantic prowess.

Flash forward to recent history, my post apostasy period, not much has changed except my entire paradigm, but I can't leave (the church) yet, I'm a ghost with unfinished business. You know how on the Dark Knight, wise old Alfred teaches us that some people just want to see the world burn? Well, I'm not one of those people, but sometimes I come dangerously close.

I attend my final YSA convention at the border of this year and last. There are hot girls everywhere, most of whom weren't even alive when I first got the Aaronic Priesthood, Joe Smith would be having a field day.

Flash back to about a month ago. One of my mates approaches me and asks if I can chip in to help finance a PUA course that he wants to do. I'm not that rich, but his asking peaks my interest. As a result I end up watching the entire second season of VH1's, The Pick Up Artist. Mystery and his wingmen are weird, but by all accounts their methods seem effective.

This is a whole 'nother world with it's own rules and language. There are IOIs, DHV, DLV, sets, Kino, Targets, routine stacks blah blah. I can see why these geeks do what they do, and while it would be tempting to implement their techniques for my own evil ends, I really don't think it's entirely my thing, partly maybe, but there's something just seedy and dishonest about "gaming". Perhaps my time at church learned me some morals after all.

I think I've highlighted my strong moral fibre sufficiently, return to the present and I can't help it I have to try some of this. I like girls. I am also an insufferably frigid introvert. My primary focus is not bedding woman, as funny as that would be to try at a YSA event, no I'd just like to be able to talk to people comfortably. No use trying to work on calculus when I can't even do algebra. So I approach "sets" of peeps when the mood takes me, over the course of conference, and I work the crowds and I surprisingly don't run out of things to say and my nerves are terrible just before I start but after that everything's fine. I walk in, join a circle of strangers and begin talking crap. Being the center of attention is surprisingly intoxicating, being wary at this point would be wise. Don't get too carried away. You're not the man yet...

...But I'm on my way, this year I want to expand my social skills, the range of my ability to communicate, it's time to loosen up a little: I want to be able to connect with people. Not the easiest of goals to measure, but I will be able tell within myself if I've achieved it or not. Engaging people in conversation is actually cool. I don't believe it. It seems like this whole time I've been worried about nothing. I'm finding that seems to be the pattern lately.

ysa veteran retires on top

This is Loren Hopkins aka "the baddest abs on campus" aka lady killer 2.0 aka "in my dreams" (except for the abs, they're real) reporting live from: "One Heart One Mind" Unite '09-'10 National YSA Convention 09-10 *gasp for air*. It's the end of an era, my retirement party from the illustrious ranks of the YSA is winding down and I can look forward with calloused hands and a heavy heart to the dawn of a new epoch as I enter the special needs group known as the dreaded Single Adults. It's time to start looking elsewhere I think. Highlights to come...

**UPDATE**

I've just read the above and realized that there's no actual content in this post. Let's change that.

WTF are tithing funds for?

} If {

the most important decision you'll make in your life is who you marry and marrying is best done with someone who shares your general world view and you can't become a god and live with your family forever without participating in this practice

}Then {

wouldn't it be nice for the bishop's storehouse to pitch in and perhaps subsidize this event and help facilitate the desired union. I know the example's tired but if the church can afford a $2 billion mall with non-tithing funds then couldn't they use some of their/our surplus cash money to sponsor poor suckers (in more ways then one) like myself at these type of gatherings. Maybe they did pitch in some, but with the cost involved it sure doesn't seem like it. All I'm saying is a price tag of $450 for 4 days is as steep as a cliff. With everyone who went our combined monies came in at around half a mill, that's a lot of money. On the plus side the food was surprisingly awesome.

Me VS. Elder Hamula

Nice guy. Really. As the area authority president of the pacific region this sagacious seventy paid a dutiful visit to our lil' old convention and carried out a Q&A session (these are my favs). I didn't put my hand up fast enough in the first session, so I hung around for the second. Boom I get to ask the first question. It went a little something like this... If you google Mormon you'll come across many things, there's the fundamentalist evangelicals, the militant atheists and they say whatever it is they have to say about Mormonism. Then there's the bloggernacle a group of "members" who are deeply interested in all things mormon, now many of these people are what you might call liberal mormons meaning they don't necessarily subscribe to the orthodox teachings or the church, this is because they might have an issue with say the controversies surrounding the restoration of the church or certain doctorinal concerns. For people like this where do we go to find answers? Do we go to the apologists whose answers don't always align with the leadership? What do we do? What do I do?

This guy is unflappable I'll tell you what, he acted like this was a normal everyday question, maybe it is now days, I don't know, but you could barely even tell he was sweating. There's was a mumble of whispers after I'd finished and I smiled. Unsurprisingly he said that people of the sort that I described needed to stick to the basics i.e. scripture study and prayer and such like, this is how answers are found. OK. That there would be questions that do come up that are difficult and that he had had a few of his own over the years. Puzzlers of this nature needed to be put a side for the moment then he gestured to the side with his hands creating at least in my mind a metaphorical shelf (his hands were widely spaced, so a big one at that). To his credit he said not to ignore the concerns but to return to them as new knowledge became available.

If I could do it again I'd ask a slightly different version of the question, because I think I failed to highlight the magnitude of my own personal crisis of faith over these issues. Also because I'm a nice guy sometimes, I didn't mention any of the issues specifically even though I really wanted to. Next time someones going to be tap dancing I promise. One brave soul later in the piece asked about the churches stance on gay marriage (she obviously didn't agree with it), good for her. I instantly regretted not being brave enough to drop some testimony shakers on the unsuspecting attendees. At the end he told us that if we take nothing from what he'd said, he hoped that we'd witnessed someone who loves us doing his best to answer us with sincerity and understanding. I think he mostly succeeded I just don't know about the verity of his answers.

Result: Tie

Dang you Hamula! Next time you're mine!