Wednesday, July 1, 2009

On Matters of Faith 2 The Leap

10,927 days ago since I was alive. 10,000 plus days! That is an achievement I must say. My being alive has little to do with faith, beside the obvious steps that I take to prolong my existence on this miserable piece of dirt we romantic types like to call earth. A more appropriate name would have been water, but the ocean shall have its revenge soon enough I imagine. What with global warming and every other form of full on assault that we've invented, our demise is imminent. But our glorious destruction is still a little ways off and we may not be wholly responsible for rising temperatures or our own destructive tendencies, so my complete condemnation of the human race may be foolhardy and a little presumptuous. After all my desires for apocalypse are counterbalanced by my actions: eating, sleeping, defecating, occasionally bathing and the like, so my nihilism has its limits. 10,000 days aren't enough, whatever I have I want more. Doomsday's around the corner, but I want to be around to see it.

Say I have 10,000 or even 20,000 days of monotonous alienating soul-destroying life left. Imagine the possibilities. This is not to suggest that I'm at all disenchanted with my life, given the alternative I'd opt for the continuation of things as they are. Fortunately other choices are available. Imagine me waking up and wanting to do what I was about to do, because what I do is meaningful. I was fired/let go/downsized/emancipated from my last job, which means I can do whatever I want, I just may have to become homeless to pull it off. I am a philosopher by trade, unfortunately this profession's heyday was something like 2,000 years ago. Society sometimes makes things difficult for me. I will take the leap out in to the darkness. Faith is a choice, a willful act of defiance. I have faith I just don't know if I believe anymore. Only one way to find out.


Anonymous said...

Request for clarification: What do you mean when you say "monotonous alienating soul-destroying life?" Alienation from what? and if the body and spirit equal the soul, how can the soul be destroyed while you're still alive?

Loren said...

Myself being alienated from life itself by the process of life itself. Don't ask.

I was using 'soul' more in the common vernacular than the mormon definition.