stranger in a strange land

I have parted ways with normal society. Maybe there is no such thing as normal. I had a feeling that those bell curves were wrong all along. All those lost grades, all these weird people.

I was sitting at a friend's house the other day while they all got drunk. The friend is a friend of a cousin, that's how we became friends. The cousin was there drinking too. Everyone except me. Sometimes I think some of these people tolerate my presence only because I'm related to them. Of course, no drunk person can comprehend the sobriety of any bystander within earshot. I endured a million offers of just one drink. I deflected these proposals with the old "I'm in training, sorry, no alcohol." Brilliant.

A little less than a year ago, bolstered by my new motto "Don't do anything that Joseph Smith wouldn't do", yes, that's a double negative, I proceeded then to go on a month long drinking binge, during which time I learned that alcohol consumption is highly overrated and that beer tastes like shit. Joseph be damned, I think it'll be a long time before I ever drink again.

Back at work on Monday, many of us at the gathering, which may or may have not been termed a party, work at the same place. A depressing place, but I've said too much of my vocation already. I was asked "Did you feel like drinking with us on Saturday?" I could tell by the intonation and large smile that the expected and socially correct answer was yes. I almost nodded as I said not really. Awkward silence.

After getting a free facial a few weeks back from one of my training partners, I was asked: "were you frustrated, did just try and unleash on him?" I'm walking around with two black eyes, likely a broken nose, I was thoroughly outclassed during the sparring session where this all happened so I guess it was a fair question. This time I lied, yeah man, I was flustered, so I just went crazy, it was just so frustrating. The asker was just eating this up, but really I didn't feel any of those sensations, my thought process went more a long the lines of "wow, this guys really beating me up, damn that was a good shot, ouch. Hey I hit him, I hope that didn't hurt too much." I think I'm too nice to be a fighter, but anyway I didn't loose my cool at all, maybe I should have.

A lot of times it happens like that, I just play along cause it's easier, but there are numerous examples of this strange feeling that I'm not quite on the same frequency as everyone else. It's cool in some ways, but surely I can't be all that different, maybe they're all just pretending to be normal too.