Friday, July 2, 2010

editorial without an editor

At times my mind explodes, like the cosmic orgasm that brought about the conception of our universe, like Jihadi crusaders strapped and ready to cash in on 72 virgins. Boom.

It's just a little over half way through the year. Perfect. This means I can once again ruminate on my many short comings and hail the glorious dawn of a paradigm changing epoch, culminating no less in a future where I and my misfits rule the world for a thousand years with blood, horror and golden statues of Michael Jackson. Grim times indeed, but exciting, interesting ones even. Us Anglo's would have you believe that interesting times are the well wishes from some old Chinese proverb. It was more likely a curse (according to the most reliable source on earth: Wikipedia). I like the ambiguity, being in two minds is better than one.

Presently I'm extremely angry for no good reason. Is it that time of the month already? This bipolar thing is highly overrated. Can we pause for a moment? Will we allow sanity to prevail for a fleeting... no. Insanity it's your time now. "Chaos Reigns."

So I'm walking down the road, which never happens because I'm usually either in a catatonic state or busting my balls trying to reclaim my ever diminishing manhood. Walking's for pussies. But there I was against all odds, leisurely strolling to the backing track of the hustle and bustle of everyday noises: Cars, people, kids, birds, the world turning on its axis, idiots. It's a lot to deal with unless you've got nads of steel. Mine were at the repair shop, so I was feeling a little deflated.

Then it happened the clouds parted and the eyes of my understanding were opened. A vision of unparalleled awkwardness unfolded before me. My fly was down. I couldn't believe it, even alpha males like me fuck up? But not like this, not like this. First walking, then a game of peek-a-boo with my junk. Unprecedented shemanery in this context. Incase you're wondering I have been known to go commando from time to time (in honor of Arnold Schwarzenegger's greatest movie: Junior).

I've really let myself go. Now I'm angry. This shall never, for all days that I shall live, ever happen again.

{ interlude: current injuries... wrist, arse, hamstring, pelvis, nose, possible hernia. Current non-injuries... everything else. This almost makes me smile}

Here I go in the ever evolving list of my aspirations:

Create the best of all possible worlds
Keep your word
Use the bird when appropriate
& Enjoy it all godamit.


TGD said...

Ever since turning 40, my fly has been in a perpetual state of downness.

I wear long t-shirts to obscure my fly because of this.

Loren said...

lol, I'll have to try that as a preemptive strike against fly downess myself.