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I need to write something, it really doesn't matter what. This has been like hell week, but unfortunately it's going to be more like hell month, or even more likely, hell half year once the suffering wraps. I did not anticipate how unbelievably draining training everyday would be. I'm sitting here half man half zombie and all I can think of is brains, brains, damn do my brains hurt. I've gotten off at this stop before. It started out as a six month affair with insomnia and morphed into a year and a half or so of me getting nice and intimate with chronic fatigue syndrome. Now no one knows exactly what the latter condition entails especially not doctors, it's just a handy label for we don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. I was burnt out. I was barely able to break into a light jog without feeling absolutely devastated. That's where I'm at right about now. I can run for a little longer, but I'll be damned if I don't feel like I was Jesus in Passion of Christ by the end of everyday.

The rational thing to do would be to stop. Or maybe go to bed at a reasonable hour. Or eat good. Or get a life or something suitably drastic. No, no, no my friend, those aren't options, they're the evil machinations of a softcock mentality. Rationality reached it's apex at the end of the Enlightenment and we're still dealing with the fall out today, trying to make sense of reality TV and Matthew McConaughey's regenerating hair-line. "Chaos Reigns", that's what a little fox that was eating itself told me on Lars Von Triers AntiChrist -- whatever you do, don't watch this movie -- so the only irrational response is to recreate reality in my own image (not really, I mean the logic is a bit faulty, just roll with me on this one OK). Sure, I have an unhealthy fascination with Heath Ledger's Joker (mentioning this doesn't really make sense either), but there's an order to things, all these cosmological constants floating around just waiting for an agent of chaos to rearrange them. How good would I look in a nurses outfit?

There now I fell better. Bye.